Category Archives: This Married Life!

What made me fall in love in the first place

Warning: This is an utterly cheesy post. But I am writing it anyway (and publishing here!), just in case in the future I will forget how I fell in love with my husband – and how crazy I went. You know, past the honeymoon stage, so much practicality takes over one’s marriage (add kids to the picture) and we can easily fall to the trap of losing the memory why you are married in the first place.

I can strongly remember the first time I exclusively spoke with my husband, I got easily drawn to his character – so much gentleness, humility, and kindness towards me. So genuine goodness. And as you know, I am some sort of a strong-willed woman who’s not used to this type of simplicity of character. So this is like finding a vanilla cupcake amidst a glorious bunch of dark chocolate ones.

I don’t believe in sparks or magic or love at first sight. But I knew right there and then that what I felt was something I have absolutely never ever felt with anyone before, even with past boyfriends. I used to deny this to myself back then, thinking that ALL LOVE is just the same. We can feel the same feelings we felt before. But I knew deep inside, he was different. THIS is different.

And when I realized I have fallen in love with him, there was no stopping me or us. I went for it – with all my heart. I was just so madly and crazy in love with this guy, thinking he is really a nice one. But my eyes were also open to our realities. I knew we were two different people coming from different backgrounds. But it was like meeting your soul mate. It’s okay. It’s fine. We can work it out.

And so we did. One by one, things fell into place and our relationship grew even stronger. Although, there were times when I wanted out because I felt he can sometimes take me for granted. Maybe because I wanted us to have more time together. It came to a point when I no longer get it why we should be apart. Maybe, because we were truly meant for each other.

I remember the passion, the “always looking forward to see him again” feeling. The first few months had my phone beeping non-stop from his texts. I remember spending a whole day at work, in front of my pc, but phone in my hand – so busy answering his messages. I was not working at all!!

Fast forward – and now we’re married + 1 kid. Most days we talk about house chores, schedules, plans, money, and work projects. I get annoyed by his little idiosyncrasies I can’t stand. Until now, I cannot be ok with his laziness to take a bath/brush his teeth. BUT despite all these everyday annoyances – I.always.want.him.around.

I still love being with my husband – beside me, inside the little home we made. With or without our child.

I’m writing this down to remind me. In case there comes a time I no longer want him around. Or forgot why we are with each other.

I pray that that won’t ever happen.

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SONA of the Year: Happy 1st Year Wedding Anniversary to us!

So the past couple of months my brains and hands have been away from my blog (because apparently, some life-consuming job practically took over everything!), I am now back to blogging with a good reason – I cannot miss writing about my first year as a wife.

My dad has been waiting for me to do the SONA (State of the Nation Address, as we know it in the Philippines), but this time it will be something related to my first year of marriage.

So here we go..

Can I just say that I simply cannot relate to women in their first or early years of marriage who are still going head-over-heels-still-swooning-over-their-husbands. Nothing wrong with that though. In fact I think that’s the norm, sort of what they call the “honeymoon stage”. And so I wonder if I am the “odd woman out”. Because to be honest, my mind and heart have loooooooong been past that stage of rose-colored glasses. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m still very much in love with my husband. He is after all, the one I married and the love of my life. But it’s much more than that teen-age romantic feeling of honeymooners. What I believe is that our love has grown stronger, purer, and more honest than ever.

It is bare without the frills. It is real and present not because of, but in spite of. It feels a lot of things… but it sees more than it feels – and it accepts it as it is.

In my first year of marriage, I understood that it is a daily calling to be unconditional. Humans as we are, that is most challenging. How can you throw your expectations for a co-equal/co-partner out the window that easy? I once saw a scene in the movie Did You Hear About the Morgans, that you are supposed to expect EVERYTHING from your spouse! Why? Because you are lifetime partners forever. So I don’t believe in marriages that are always sunny or rosy. Marriages that are never threatened or challenged. Maybe there are no such unions, but to me reality has happened sooner than later.

We don’t really argue or get into conflicts often. In fact, I can only count the times when we really had fights. But our married life isn’t always of romance and the feel-good-one. I think it’s more of a roller-coaster-ride where there are days when the ride is pleasant and exciting… and some days when it’s just horrific.

I for one is not perfect (and so as my husband). I joke him by saying that you’ve married a wife who’s half goddess, and half monster! Haha! Obviously, I don’t subscribe to the time frame of honeymoon then disillusion. In my case, I think it’s a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly shift in climate. And that is perfectly fine with me.

Because early on, I have faced the reality of marital imperfections. And I’m thankful that there are more days that we as a husband and wife were able to overcome them.

I don’t believe in happy couple selfies. Because what we don’t see behind them is the reality of constant love-and-conflict that makes a marriage more real and enduring.

End of SONA. I hope I hear some applause 🙂

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First Mommy Birthday

It feels more like my official entry to adulthood when I turned 29 and became a mom. Turning a year older is now a big deal for me. I remember when I was still single, I had no special plans but to sleep it out the whole day. It was both boring and exhausting working 5 days a week and coming home to an empty apartment with takeout food for dinner. No one to take care of but myself, most of the time.

But now look what a difference a year can make!

I have to constantly ask myself if this is real. Every night, I come home to a smiling baby, cook dinner for my husband, and make a quick fix of the house. I’m glad we all sleep through the night because finally, the little one knows the drill by now. It’s pretty routine but it is no longer boring. Exhausting yes, but I don’t mind because this is what brings meaning to my everyday. Now it’s easier to answer that coffee commercial we see on TV, “Para kanino ka bumabangon?”

Sorry I can’t resist not to include her picture here. Toothless tawa 🙂

I may not have the same amount of money at my disposal, or even that top level career I once dreamed of. But I know I now have what I have always wished for. Grace has flown into my life in measures and ways beyond my asking. It has filled my heart with that kind of joy that I’d rather choose cooking over shopping any day (well, except when there’s a baby sale I cannot resist!) 🙂

In my 29th year I am in the middle of life’s sweet embrace. In all its fullness, I am humbled by God’s perfect plan and timing in our lives. When you have a loving family, a supportive bunch of long-time friends, and a constant love from above – Getting into that final year in your 20’s is like a grand entrance to more good things ahead. And that’s definitely a very happy birthday!

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Friday Random Rants

I’m more convinced I shouldn’t migrate to a niche-specific domain for my blog, because for all its worth – this is just my personal space to rant, unwind, and breath…

Pregnancy Blues: Third Trimester

So this week has been a circle of emotions and thoughts for me, particularly taking center stage is my growing pregnancy. I feel enormously pregnant now at 29 weeks! I have difficulty breathing, standing up, and going about my daily commute to work. What the world doesn’t know is I’m sinking into pre-natal depression. A lot have been talked about post-natal depression but very little about the pre-birth one. Reading online, I learned that 1 in 10 preggos experience this during pregnancy.

Symptoms include:

• inability to concentrate
• anxiety
• extreme irritability
• sleep problems
• extreme or unending fatigue
• a desire to eat all the time or not wanting to eat at all
• a sense that nothing feels enjoyable or fun any more
• persistent sadness

I won’t elaborate further which ones are on my check list. Let’s just say, I have majority of those symptoms. Despite trying my best to stay positive with the help of my husband of course, I still am human and fall into my weakness. Even if we’ve been looking forward to Sunday’s baby shower and the shopping for the babe task (which should sound enjoyable) – I am just.so.tired.of.being.pregnant 😦

baby shower rainbow

This is the expectation, LOL! And should actually make me excited. But yeah, pregnancy blues do set in…

Work Uncertainties

I feel blessed that I have a job and my maternity needs are pretty much covered by my employee benefits. However, I still worry about (and I know this is futile) of the work set-up after I give birth. Will my employer allow me to work from home on an extended period? Will the quality of my work be affected? And the most pressing question is – will I ever get back my drive to perform excellently after the baby? I won’t deny there are more days when I just want to cut some slack and get my mind off work. Sometimes my job isn’t appealing to me anymore even if I know I need it and that it is helping us get through month after month.

There have been some nice offers I am itching to take simply because work is home-based. The trade off is that they will not cover any government privilege like Philhealth, SSS, etc. Not even sure if my maternity leave will sit well with them considering I just joined ship. So that’s the dilemma. OR MAYBE I AM WORRYING TOO MUCH, but God has a plan in place naman.

I envy other women who seem so strong to overcome these worrying, lack-of-passion-to-work-tendencies-and-all-the-while-pregnant-phase! It takes so much strength for me to really admit that hey, I don’t have it all figured out.

Longing for Married Friends

No pressure intended girls, but you know it would really be nice to hang out with some married couple friends. The problem is, we only have a few and they live far away from us. Most of our common friends are still singles, couple friends who are still boyfriend-girlfriend. No one to chat up with, to exchange notes with, or to set weekly prayer meetings with. I know my husband sometimes gets bored staying at home and relishes the time he gets to spend with the boys. But you know, as a couple – we need a circle, a community of young couples to interact with now that we’re beginning a crucial stage in our lives.

To all our SFC couple friends – Please, get yourselves married!!  Jowk lang 🙂

<End of Rant, TGIF!>

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Cheesy February Post about Marriage

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is an official cheesy post. You can now click the ‘x’ button, hehehe! Since it’s the 1st day of Feb (the month of hearts!), I have decided to write this down.

Some people ask me what’s the main difference between a regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and a marriage between a husband and wife. Well, a lot – in different levels. But to me, aside from the gained freedom of intimacy (hihihi!), I feel that the main diff is that you tend to miss the other person more when you’re apart. However, there’s a contradiction to it: You can easily fall to the trap of neglecting the other (even unintentionally) when you’re together!

I miss him more now.

Even while he’s at work or we’re both at each other’s parents’ on weekends. Maybe because we’re so used to being together that I tend to be more affected by his absence. Marriage has broken the ‘twice-a-week-date-night’ routine when we were still singles. So it’s more apparent to me when the husband dearest is not by my side, even for a short while. Parang love birds lang ang peg! Cheesy, I know! But it kinda feels like a part of me is missing when he’s away. OR: Pregnancy hormones alert!! LOL.

You could easily neglect the other person.

Here’s the contradiction. Maybe because you are sure he’s just around the corner of the house, you don’t feel the urge to talk or interact as much. You don’t maximize the time that you’re together as much as you did when you were still dating. You can even catch us sleeping at different hours of the night. Before we go to bed, we don’t talk for so very long. I read a book while he plays his favorite Android games. Almost always, one of us dozes off ahead of the other (me!).

I guess since now you consider your spouse a constant in your life, you don’t feel the need to interact all the time. You’re both comfortable in just being together – even in silence! There’s no pressure to start and keep a conversation going. What matters is you’re at each other’s side.

The Gift of Marriage

marriage

I will always thank God for this gift of marriage. It is one of the best things I ever did in my life 🙂 I am even more blessed to have a man who has a good heart. I can go on and on telling the whole world that my husband is a kind-hearted, loving, loyal, smart guy. Konti na lang ata sila – but they still do exist! A tip I could give you in order to pin down such a guy is to really PRAY for it. Be specific. I remember after 2 years of dating someone else, I found myself single again. 4-6 months I embarked on a self-healing process and really prayed to the Lord to lead me only to the man that He wants for me. Sounds trivial to some, but I think I kinda asked for someone tall and moreno, and gwapo 🙂 Romer turned out to be all that. And he’s smart and talented, too! Well, he ain’t perfect like everyone else – but he finished my checklist – teehee! At first, I didn’t have any idea this could be it. But all heart aches come to an end and mercy overflows in time, haha!

And with that let me be merciful to end this cheesy post 🙂

Lots of love in February!

 

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The 5-Year Engagement Over the Weekend

Because sweldo was not due last week, we opted to just stay home over the weekend (tipid mode, hehe). Good thing it was raining the whole time, it kept the husband and I indoors.

Weekend Movies

So we watched downloaded movies. After a brief take on cleaning the house and cooking meals, we settled down and decided it’s gonna be a movie weekend. Big thanks to Meisha for sending in our supply of “Meisha Movies“, we got the 5-Year Engagement Movie to entertain us.

fiveyearengagementsoundtrack

I like how the film rolled, although it was kinda dragging in the beginning. The story revolved around two “trying-to-be-on-the-safe-side” type of couple who wouldn’t plunge into marriage until all are perfect. At least that’s how I think Violet (female lead) analyzed things for her life. And because of that mentality of hers, their engagement stretched up to 5 years – with seasons of dissatisfaction, personal inner conflicts, distrust, and rebound lovers. But yeah, we all know they love each other and are meant to be together 🙂

I like the Elmo-Cookie Monster conversation Violet had with her sister, Suzie. It describes very clearly that in life, you sometimes just need to trust your guts and take a leap of faith. Not that one has to rush into marriage – but when you ‘think’ you found the person for you… go for it! If you’re worried about being unprepared and all that, well I think perfection or the absence of problems do not make one ‘ready’ for marriage. In fact, no one is… and no one will ever be. You just have to make sure you can take in the responsibility of facing the consequences of your decision.

Here goes the Elmo-Cookie Monster scene:

Elmo (Suzie): Elmo say it’s been 5 years. It’s almost 5 years. You either love him or you don’t!

Cookie Monster (Violet): Me, love him, but it’s very complicated. Cookie doesn’t get everything handed to him in a silver platter like Elmo.

Elmo: Cookie, got the career he wanted. Tom moved to Michigan so Cookie could work, okay? Elmo wanted to be a kinesiologist and instead, Elmo is cleaning puke off her shirt everyday! 

Cookie Monster: Well maybe, as nice as his little Elmos are, Elmo should have considered using protection. C is for condom. That’s good enough for me. 

Elmo: Elmo is very happy with Elmo’s little Elmos, okay? Elmo would just like a break, once in a while. Elmo never gets a break!

Cookie Monster: Fine! This is fine! But this is precisely why Cookie wants to take the time to consider if he’s picked the right cookie for his life! 

Elmo: Well maybe, Elmo thinks there is no right cookie! You just pick one and take a bite! 

Violet (in her normal voice): Sorry.

Suzie (still in Elmo’s voice): Elmo.. Is sorry too. 

Violet (to her niece): Whose was better?

Niece: Mommy’s better. 

Suzie (still in Elmo’s voice): Look.. The worst choice you could make, is no choice at all. Okay?.. Snack time! 

Weekend Cook

weekend food

In other news, my husband wears the cook hat on weekends since I prepare meals during our work days. This time he prepared fish, tomato and eggs for breakfast. We went to the nearby (like 20 steps lang!) market to buy our goods. For lunch, he prepared buttered garlic shrimp. I thought it was goooooooood!!

#ThisMarriedLife

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Newly-married Woman!

So it’s been a week since I tied the knot, and I haven’t come up with a blog post yet! I don’t think I’m pretty busy – just recuperating physically (and financially haha!) from the big event of my 2012. Add to that is the fact that we’re still honeymooning 🙂 I finally experienced that dead-air with the hubby. We simply ran out of topics to talk about from time to time. When you’re boyfriend-girlfriend you’re all too much excited to go out on a date. Pag mag-asawa na pala at katabi mo sa umaga hanggang sa gabi, pwede ka na din maubusan ng sasabihin hehehe!

How was the wedding?

So my wedding did not go all too perfectly as planned – but I loved it! Days before I was psyching myself to focus on what’s really important instead of the frills and trivialities of what all these wedding-industry people so drumbeat about. Bitter?! I hope not, hehe. I’m just glad the church ceremony went beautifully intimate as I wanted it to be. Our closest families and friends were there. Both bride and groom were good-looking (bias!)… and of course – WE GOT MARRIED! With no remaining debt after that! Thank you, Lord 🙂 Seriously, I’m very happy I’m a married woman. We truly felt the presence of God and the love from everyone not only during the wedding but from day 1 of the planning. We can never be thankful enough for all of you.

teh bride = moi!

Our vows

Goldilocks motif!

my pretty bridesmaids!!!

Where did we honeymoon?

I believe “Honeymooning” is a stage in one’s married life. I think we’re still at it. But for our first night as husband+wife, we got ourselves lost in Tagaytay! It was around 9pm when we left my parent’s house and we still had to take the bus to our destination. The bed and breakfast suite we got was so secluded, you simply had to get lost especially at night! We stayed at Lily Boy’s Bed and Breakfast. Very quaint, charming little place.. it was a relaxing overnight stay for us. We were even allowed to stay beyond our hours just so we can watch the Pacquiao fight. Too bad, he lost. But the husband was glad to see a grand piano available all to himself as he played to the piece of ‘Till There Was You” 🙂

So How’s Married Life?

It’s Wonderful 🙂 I’m praying I can still say this 10-20 years from now, hehehe!

Nakatingin si father!!

What makes it wonderful? Well you simply have a kakampi, bestfriend, companion, stuff toy to hug – all the time! I’m slowly settling down to domestic life by planning our meals, scheduling house chores, and doing the groceries with him. These things are not exactly new to me as I have lived by myself since college days – but it’s still different when you have to do it for 2 persons.
We’re spending some time apartment-hunting as my little abode would be too small for us once the baby arrives. I can’t wait to transfer house and decorate for Christmas! It’s going to be our first Christmas together as a married couple. Very exciting, indeed!

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