If you are one with me and most of my friends, perhaps you are caught in this quarter life stage where you think every decision is THAT important. It is a time when you believe that every choice you make will directly impact your future, whether in big or small terms. More than anything else that we twenty-something’s go through, the thought of eventually making the wrong choices is my greatest fear as of the moment. It drives me nuts each time I succumb to over-analysis of what if’s and what could have-been’s. It’s a series of nightly thought sessions which I believe has one aim: that is to make a desperate one out of me. It is this fear that leads to desperation that troubles me the most. It’s not really the decision that scares me, but the grueling process of going through each of them before I act on a choice.
Why are we so afraid of committing a mistake? Or maybe in my case, I’m afraid of making the same mistakes – again. I’d like to see it as the beginning of maturity. But oh, how cruel this growth pattern seems to be! It feels like you are trapped halfway between being responsible, and reckless at the same time. You worry about the future, but you miss your youth so much you wish you can just go back in time when throwing your heart away is cool.
This is a time when suddenly you realize your head was really meant to be on top of your heart. The hardest part is when you can’t draw out the line between happiness and misery.
A friend tells me, there are really no certainties in life and that we are bound to make the mistakes we’re making. That’s awfully sad and hopeless, don’t you think? But at the same time, I cannot deny the fact that maybe it’s easier to be desperate than to be hopeful in this world. It takes a lot of courage to hope – and hope again.
For the sake of my own sanity – and if you feel we are on the same boat maybe you’d consider this:
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. [Heb 11:1]
And whatever we might be going through right now, regardless if we are unsure or certain, when we have faith that we can get through it with His hand holding ours, no wrong turn is too remote to lead us back on track.