my random sentimental breaks

I need to stop these habitual random breaks I take during my waking hours. They’re making me all the more depressed.

It’s not the first time that this happened to me. You know that pattern I they make after the relationship has ended – the person you love has married someone else, because they got her pregnant. Oh why does this always happen to my ex-boyfriends. Can’t there be any other reason to get married? Something I can take, please.

The second time hurts more than the first, simply because of the short notice (barely 7 months after the break up?! c’mon!), and the fact that I recently spoke to him (yep, on Valentine’s Day: 3 years in a row, boy!). That is why I am not a fan of checking out to see your ex even if it is just for “kumustahan” or whatever. The old feelings never fail to come rushing back in. They’re always there no matter the time and distance between you both. And I cannot deny, that for a time, I still had that split-second of considering, “maybe things have changed this time and we can re-think our status”. This you feel when you see that both of you are doing well now… only to find out he’s married and got someone pregnant, and that he had lied to you more than you have ever imagined.

It feels like in one snap of a finger all those tender memories you had of him, all those beliefs that he once loved you with such depth and sincerity, even that hope you hold now to start all over again – are all gone.

You find yourself thinking, maybe there wasn’t really anything there after all. Maybe it was just me.

The saddest part is this:

Despite good-meaning friends telling you that you deserve someone better, and you know for a fact that it’s just some worthless guy you shouldn’t be crying about… you know deep inside you that you truly loved that person up until all this time.

And it still hurts when you realize the one man you love has married someone else (maybe even regardless of the reason why).

*breaks down into tears*

This is what I get from these random sentimental breaks. I should be working.

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3 Comments

Filed under roaming and ranting

3 responses to “my random sentimental breaks

  1. *hugs* friend..

    Sabi ko nga sayo before you told us this story, na kung babalikan mo sya we’ll be supportive like crazy. (nevermind na maging aso, remember? haha). Alam ko na may love ka pa rin for him despite everything.

    But then, waah, ganon pala ang nangyari. It’s okay to be hurt, friend. Masakit at malungkot naman talaga. We totally understand. We’re here for you. Be strong. 🙂

  2. Thanks friend for being so supportive. Funny that no matter how much you know he isn’t the right one, you still keep nice feelings about him.
    Don’t worry wala nang chance na maging doggie ka. Hehehe!
    *hugs*

  3. me-anne de leon

    Hi rianne,
    though this is a much delayed reaction.. the intention to empathize prevails. many a times, wala kami ni daddy beside you to listen to the least, i fully understand how you feel.. malungkot, na nakakainis. you may even question your own guilt .. but don’t lose sight of the fact that in due time you will get over it. like in any grief, allow yourself to feel it, acknowledge it, even embrace it.. but don’t dwell on it forever.. slowly heal yourself..in due time.for the meantime, discover the gift behind the experience.. take care and we love you.

    mom

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