This Feeling I Hate


I do not like this feeling… this feeling of deliberate dependence on you… of wanting your hand to hold mine whenever we walk along the shady pavement… of feeling odd and cold when you’re not near.

It’s useless yet delightful to test the lengths that you are capable to take when I say I’m not feeling okay… and when you deliver, it’s better than having a Starbucks frappe to make my day.

I’ve always told myself that I will never again allow myself to be so needy over someone. As they say, no one can ever complete you. It’s absurd that I feel exactly that way when I’m with you.

When I started to decline the gimmicks and meet ups, that’s the time I knew this was dangerous… I hate that I can’t force myself to stay out late coz I know you’re waiting at my doorstep, and I’m as eager as you are to embrace, just the same.

I’m not immune to habits, so how could you have brought this never-ending-longing-for-you habit to me? Just like a spell I can’t run away from.

I am a person with a good level of practical sense… until I found out that we can discover how much tolerance we can offer to someone when our heart is chained to that person.

I knew it wasn’t good anymore when I started drawing heart figures on post-its, to table napkins, up to the air that gushes through my cheeks…

There is something really wrong about me when I begun to have impeccable recall of all the instances that we spoke (and smiled) to one another prior to the “commitment date”.

What’s worst is that I start crying over your “simple” love letters, and reading them over again.

And tonight I’m supposed to be finishing a report, but heck! I’m blogging about this… this four-letter word that resembles every feeling I want, but can’t seem to throw away. It’s just there and it’s all over me – this feeling I hate.



Filed under roaming and ranting

4 responses to “This Feeling I Hate

  1. ako din kinikilig joni 🙂 hehehe

  2. Awww…Sometimes we think to ourselves that if that four-letter word doesn’t exist everything would be better, there would be no complications at all… but it’s its chaotic nature that often makes us feel miserable is what we really need in life. Possibly, the only thing we ever need.

    Doesn’t it feel good to have someone or something to live for? 😉

  3. Naks nmn… haay PUSO….
    miss yah… freeeeennndd…

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