I am so envious about bloggers who can do 30-day marathons because our 1-post-a-month-challenge is definitely a CHALLENGE for me. Hehehe! But in the coming days, particularly Fridays, I will set out on a goal to do weekly posts for this year’s Lent.
I’m doing the wife edition (and maybe next year, the Mom edition )
My husband doesn’t know about this yet, but I’d like to chronicle my first struggles/issues/victories/lessons as a wife to him, specifically this Lenten season. We have always spent the Holy Week apart during our single days. Now is a first like our first Christmas and New Year as husband and wife.
I’d like to touch on common issues that young wives face in this modern age – from submission, to control issues, to contentment, to household management, to what it’s like to fight constructively, etc. Take note though that I’m no expert on this I’m just using my blog as a medium to journal and convey a message from the heart. So for any marital advice – there are tons of other resources to go to, hehehe! This one is just my take on the subject.
And in prayer, I hope I can be of help even for a short while and in my own small ways to a precious someone called a wife
(and maybe I can help husbands, too. Hihi!)
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
- Proverbs 18:22
Last night, the husband is wishing I would agree to have cable TV installed in the house. The reason: He wants to watch the upcoming Vatican conclave in March. I think I will give in despite my uncanny ability to live sans TV because me too, is excited to see Cardinal and Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Tagle (fondly known as Bishop Chito to former/present Imus-Cavite folks like us) – participate in the election of the 112th Pope.
Going for Bishop Chito
A lot of Catholic Filipinos are rooting for him to be Pope. Others are skeptical, though. My take is that it is really a long-shot-way-from-the-back-door-route for Bishop Chito to reach the Papacy. As he said he is just a “newbie” cardinal, and has been Archbishop of Manila for only over a year. Although not to discount the fact that he is indeed capable of the role. He is young, vibrant, has the ideal balance between the progressive and conservative Catholic paradigms, and is really – very humble. When he got appointed as Manila Archbishop, even the Church’s critics never doubted his capacity to listen and to stay humble. Add to that is his notable level of intelligence. In the Ateneo, he is known to be the only contender to Dr. Jose Rizal’s grades. Even in his completed studies abroad, the minimum award he received was that of a magna cum laude. Despite his achievements, Bishop Chito is ever humble. Ever lacking the desire for entitlements garnered for high office, he would ride a jeep around Imus and mingle with anyone.
Upon becoming the highest head of Church in the country, he is the first to reiterate that one has to go back to the poor communities because the Church is for the poor. That is something refreshing when most Filipinos think the Catholic Church is all ceremonies with no genuine heart to listen and be one with the underprivileged. I remember him saying during the epic debate and people-bashing era of the RH bill that if we do not have love for one another, then we can just go on hurting our brothers more. He called for kindness and respect regardless of one’s position on the issue. That statement was truly a reflection of his personality. If there is one priest who would say that, it would really be him. On the other hand, I think he is also too “mabait” to a fault because I never heard him reprimand bishops and priests who use their homilies to name-drop and bash certain politicians. But he was firm in putting into jail/investigation those erring priests who were charged of sexual abuse. Not covering up for them – ever.
Pressure is on us
If ever Cardinal Tagle becomes Pope, oh it will be tremendous pressure for the country! For sure our lawmakers will not just think twice but a hundred times before they push for a controversial bill (i.e. divorce bill), minding the greater power the Church has attained.
For the PH society in general, I think we would have a lot of eyes watching us deal with our own societal evils – ever questioning the faith of our countrymen. Pressure ito!
And I really think the Catholic Church in the Philippines will face more challenges and criticisms more than ever. It can be a purifying experience, though.
It will be given to us if God wills it.
My husband thinks the next Pope is a Filipino. I told him insiders and Pope Benedict XVI’s closest aids think otherwise – it’ll come from Latin America or Africa where the Catholic faith is the strongest and most prevalent. Their cardinals might win the conclave’s favor because of their experience and the sheer number of their faithful flock.
However, we cannot discount the seemingly surprising notice of our country in terms of church affairs in recent times. One is the rise of Bishop Chito as Archbishop of Manila; his confirmation from the Vatican as cardinal; and of course the sainthood of Pedro Calungsod. The trend seems to point us in the direction of the Papacy – assuming much! Hehehe! I still think it’s a long, long, long stone throw’s away.
At the end of it all, I believe the ultimate decision is out of our hands – not even with the conclave of bishops in Rome. They can only reach a certain point to do so much. Only God’s will shall prevail in the end. And whoever becomes the next Pope, I’m sure the Catholic world will rejoice no less.
I’m more convinced I shouldn’t migrate to a niche-specific domain for my blog, because for all its worth – this is just my personal space to rant, unwind, and breath…
Pregnancy Blues: Third Trimester
So this week has been a circle of emotions and thoughts for me, particularly taking center stage is my growing pregnancy. I feel enormously pregnant now at 29 weeks! I have difficulty breathing, standing up, and going about my daily commute to work. What the world doesn’t know is I’m sinking into pre-natal depression. A lot have been talked about post-natal depression but very little about the pre-birth one. Reading online, I learned that 1 in 10 preggos experience this during pregnancy.
Symptoms include:
• inability to concentrate
• anxiety
• extreme irritability
• sleep problems
• extreme or unending fatigue
• a desire to eat all the time or not wanting to eat at all
• a sense that nothing feels enjoyable or fun any more
• persistent sadness
I won’t elaborate further which ones are on my check list. Let’s just say, I have majority of those symptoms. Despite trying my best to stay positive with the help of my husband of course, I still am human and fall into my weakness. Even if we’ve been looking forward to Sunday’s baby shower and the shopping for the babe task (which should sound enjoyable) – I am just.so.tired.of.being.pregnant
This is the expectation, LOL! And should actually make me excited. But yeah, pregnancy blues do set in…
Work Uncertainties
I feel blessed that I have a job and my maternity needs are pretty much covered by my employee benefits. However, I still worry about (and I know this is futile) of the work set-up after I give birth. Will my employer allow me to work from home on an extended period? Will the quality of my work be affected? And the most pressing question is – will I ever get back my drive to perform excellently after the baby? I won’t deny there are more days when I just want to cut some slack and get my mind off work. Sometimes my job isn’t appealing to me anymore even if I know I need it and that it is helping us get through month after month.
There have been some nice offers I am itching to take simply because work is home-based. The trade off is that they will not cover any government privilege like Philhealth, SSS, etc. Not even sure if my maternity leave will sit well with them considering I just joined ship. So that’s the dilemma. OR MAYBE I AM WORRYING TOO MUCH,but God has a plan in place naman.
I envy other women who seem so strong to overcome these worrying, lack-of-passion-to-work-tendencies-and-all-the-while-pregnant-phase! It takes so much strength for me to really admit that hey, I don’t have it all figured out.
Longing for Married Friends
No pressure intended girls, but you know it would really be nice to hang out with some married couple friends. The problem is, we only have a few and they live far away from us. Most of our common friends are still singles, couple friends who are still boyfriend-girlfriend. No one to chat up with, to exchange notes with, or to set weekly prayer meetings with. I know my husband sometimes gets bored staying at home and relishes the time he gets to spend with the boys. But you know, as a couple – we need a circle, a community of young couples to interact with now that we’re beginning a crucial stage in our lives.
To all our SFC couple friends – Please, get yourselves married!! Jowk lang
Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is an official cheesy post. You can now click the ‘x’ button, hehehe! Since it’s the 1st day of Feb (the month of hearts!), I have decided to write this down.
Some people ask me what’s the main difference between a regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and a marriage between a husband and wife. Well, a lot – in different levels. But to me, aside from the gained freedom of intimacy (hihihi!), I feel that the main diff is that you tend to miss the other person more when you’re apart. However, there’s a contradiction to it: You can easily fall to the trap of neglecting the other (even unintentionally) when you’re together!
I miss him more now.
Even while he’s at work or we’re both at each other’s parents’ on weekends. Maybe because we’re so used to being together that I tend to be more affected by his absence. Marriage has broken the ‘twice-a-week-date-night’ routine when we were still singles. So it’s more apparent to me when the husband dearest is not by my side, even for a short while. Parang love birds lang ang peg! Cheesy, I know! But it kinda feels like a part of me is missing when he’s away. OR: Pregnancy hormones alert!! LOL.
You could easily neglect the other person.
Here’s the contradiction. Maybe because you are sure he’s just around the corner of the house, you don’t feel the urge to talk or interact as much. You don’t maximize the time that you’re together as much as you did when you were still dating. You can even catch us sleeping at different hours of the night. Before we go to bed, we don’t talk for so very long. I read a book while he plays his favorite Android games. Almost always, one of us dozes off ahead of the other (me!).
I guess since now you consider your spouse a constant in your life, you don’t feel the need to interact all the time. You’re both comfortable in just being together – even in silence! There’s no pressure to start and keep a conversation going. What matters is you’re at each other’s side.
The Gift of Marriage
I will always thank God for this gift of marriage. It is one of the best things I ever did in my life I am even more blessed to have a man who has a good heart. I can go on and on telling the whole world that my husband is a kind-hearted, loving, loyal, smart guy. Konti na lang ata sila – but they still do exist! A tip I could give you in order to pin down such a guy is to really PRAY for it. Be specific. I remember after 2 years of dating someone else, I found myself single again. 4-6 months I embarked on a self-healing process and really prayed to the Lord to lead me only to the man that He wants for me. Sounds trivial to some, but I think I kinda asked for someone tall and moreno, and gwapo Romer turned out to be all that. And he’s smart and talented, too! Well, he ain’t perfect like everyone else – but he finished my checklist – teehee! At first, I didn’t have any idea this could be it. But all heart aches come to an end and mercy overflows in time, haha!
And with that let me be merciful to end this cheesy post
I almost forgot that it’ll only take me 3 more months before I give birth to our baby girl, Summer (yes, we want to call her “Summer Maria”). Heck, I haven’t uploaded a single photo of my baby bump! Maybe I should start documenting more about this first pregnancy of mine.
I’d like to think we were raised well by my parents in a way that none of us turned out to be tantrum-throwing kids who were given what we want each time we cry or complain. There’s really a lot to say about emotional intelligence these days especially now that we are living in an ever challenging world. There’s so much noise in this age that some parents tend to give in to anything fed to them as a “nice to have” for their child – even if it’s really a little too much, in my opinion. Maybe the material reward isn’t the issue, but the chances that your kid did not pick up the virtue of hard work.
False sense of entitlement
That is what I’m most afraid of to be instilled on my own child. As early as now my husband and I would come into disagreements over not having to buy everything new for the baby – especially if our well-meaning families and friends have a truck load of hand-me-downs for her. Why buy when we already have what we need? Do we ought to show off? How does that come into play when your kid finds out we buy ALL things new for her?
Of course, each to his own. I’m sure all mothers know what’s best for their children. We know what works for us us, don’t we? Really none of my business. What I’m only concerned about is how to raise a kid who will grow up to be happier to give, than to receive. To be someone considerate of others. A person who knows that the world does not revolve around her – but has a gifted sense of confidence to face the world. And of course, someone who will grow up knowing the virtue of goal-setting, hard work, and dependence on God.
Of all the things he mentioned, I like these three best:
“Redefine what taking care of your children means. Are you providing for them emotionally and spiritually? You need not buy them material goods in order to create a bond. Instead of tangible gifts, how about spending some time together? Be careful that you aren’t teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall.”
“Your job as a parent is not to make yourself feel good by giving the child everything that makes you feel good when you give it,”
“Be a good role model. “We’re not the only influence in our kids’ lives, so we better be the best influence,”
Here’s the complete list:
Over-indulgence, Dr. Phil explains, is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse. Here is a perspective that might help you stop.
Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world, you don’t always get what you want. You will be better able to deal with that as an adult if you’ve experienced it as a child.
If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods, your child won’t have the chance to experience unconditional love.
Be a good role model. “We’re not the only influence in our kids’ lives, so we better be the best influence,” says Dr. Phil.
Redefine what taking care of your children means. Are you providing for them emotionally and spiritually? You need not buy them material goods in order to create a bond. Instead of tangible gifts, how about spending some time together? Be careful that you aren’t teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall.
Don’t let your guilt get in the way of your parenting. “Your job as a parent is not to make yourself feel good by giving the child everything that makes you feel good when you give it,” Dr. Phil tells one mom. Your job as a parent is to prepare your child to succeed in school and when they get out into the world. “Kids have to be socialized in a way that they understand you work hard for what you get.” You don’t want to teach your child that they will get everything through manipulation, pouting, crying, door slamming and guilt induction.
Make sure your children aren’t defining their happiness and their status in the world as a function of what they wear or drive. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation about what really defines their worth ” their intelligence, their creativity, their caring, their giving, their work ethic, etc. If you spent equal time sitting down and talking to them about what really mattered as you do shopping, you might be able counterbalance the countless images they see telling them otherwise.
Understand “intrinsic” versus “extrinsic” motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or priviledge if they do the task. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
Make sure your child understands the value of hard work. For example, Dr. Phil explains, “I always told our boys, ‘If you make Cs, you’re going to have a C standard of living. If you make Bs, you’re going to have a B standard of living. If you make As, you’re going to have an A standard of living.’”
Dr. Phil reminds one young guest who aspires to be wealthy that it’s not a bad goal, but it takes a lot of hard work to get there. “The difference between winners and losers is winners do things losers don’t want to do. And that’s work hard to get ready to be a star,” he says.
If your child idolizes a celebrity, ask him/her why. Dr. Phil speaks to one young guest who looks up to rich girls like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. “What have either of them ever done, except spend money that they got from somebody else? What is it you’re looking up to?”
Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He’ll get over the disappointment of having been told “no.” But he won’t get over the effects of being spoiled.
Help your child set goals. Teach him/her that striving to own nice things is fine if he/she understands how much hard work it takes to afford that, and then doesn’t base his/her self-worth around what she buys.
Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul. - Proverbs 29:17
Because sweldo was not due last week, we opted to just stay home over the weekend (tipid mode, hehe). Good thing it was raining the whole time, it kept the husband and I indoors.
Weekend Movies
So we watched downloaded movies. After a brief take on cleaning the house and cooking meals, we settled down and decided it’s gonna be a movie weekend. Big thanks to Meisha for sending in our supply of “Meisha Movies“, we got the 5-Year Engagement Movieto entertain us.
I like how the film rolled, although it was kinda dragging in the beginning. The story revolved around two “trying-to-be-on-the-safe-side” type of couple who wouldn’t plunge into marriage until all are perfect. At least that’s how I think Violet (female lead) analyzed things for her life. And because of that mentality of hers, their engagement stretched up to 5 years – with seasons of dissatisfaction, personal inner conflicts, distrust, and rebound lovers. But yeah, we all know they love each other and are meant to be together
I like the Elmo-Cookie Monster conversation Violet had with her sister, Suzie. It describes very clearly that in life, you sometimes just need to trust your guts and take a leap of faith. Not that one has to rush into marriage – but when you ‘think’ you found the person for you… go for it! If you’re worried about being unprepared and all that, well I think perfection or the absence of problems do not make one ‘ready’ for marriage. In fact, no one is… and no one will ever be. You just have to make sure you can take in the responsibility of facing the consequences of your decision.
Here goes the Elmo-Cookie Monster scene:
Elmo (Suzie): Elmo say it’s been 5 years. It’s almost 5 years. You either love him or you don’t!
Cookie Monster (Violet): Me, love him, but it’s very complicated. Cookie doesn’t get everything handed to him in a silver platter like Elmo.
Elmo: Cookie, got the career he wanted. Tom moved to Michigan so Cookie could work, okay? Elmo wanted to be a kinesiologist and instead, Elmo is cleaning puke off her shirt everyday!
Cookie Monster: Well maybe, as nice as his little Elmos are, Elmo should have considered using protection. C is for condom. That’s good enough for me.
Elmo: Elmo is very happy with Elmo’s little Elmos, okay? Elmo would just like a break, once in a while. Elmo never gets a break!
Cookie Monster: Fine! This is fine! But this is precisely why Cookie wants to take the time to consider if he’s picked the right cookie for his life!
Elmo: Well maybe, Elmo thinks there is no right cookie! You just pick one and take a bite!
Violet (in her normal voice): Sorry.
Suzie (still in Elmo’s voice): Elmo.. Is sorry too.
Violet (to her niece): Whose was better?
Niece: Mommy’s better.
Suzie (still in Elmo’s voice): Look.. The worst choice you could make, is no choice at all. Okay?.. Snack time!
Weekend Cook
In other news, my husband wears the cook hat on weekends since I prepare meals during our work days. This time he prepared fish, tomato and eggs for breakfast. We went to the nearby (like 20 steps lang!) market to buy our goods. For lunch, he prepared buttered garlic shrimp. I thought it was goooooooood!!
We work in tandem as husband-and-wife. Both with full-time day jobs. So this serves as our part-time gig.
My husband is involved in design: branding, logos, magazine layout, print materials, etc. – mostly catering to food and dining businesses
We like both short-term and long-term projects – depending on work requirements and of course, our availability.
We cater to small/start-up businesses. At a competitive price, we can serve you with a good online branding and presence. Remember, before you had Facebook – your website is your main real estate. It’s important to focus on your base.
We do these from home and we seldom do meet-ups unless highly crucial for the project. We’re home buddies But you can count on our reliability.
When we’re not freelancing, we just keep house, cook, bake, watch dvds, and snuggle Did I say we’re home buddies?
Roaming Around is my take on Life - because it only becomes more beautiful when you look a little more... Join me in my 20's journey as we plot down plans, realize dreams, and understand the Grace that comes in between :)
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